Milestones - 8.9.10

Normally my posts are all about my kiddos, and our journey to bring Sy home. As I sit here tonight I reflect on the fact that it has been nearly a year since my mother passed away and I wallow in my sorrow knowing that she has missed out on so many wonderful things this past year. My oldest son Jake only mentions her here and there but his memories of her are good ones. My fear is that they will fade and he will have little recollection of her at all. That makes me so incredibly sad. And the fact that she never was able to meet Sy is the saddest thing of all. I still remember the day we picked him up from the orphanage and the impulse I had to pick up the phone and call my mom. Such happiness and such sadness all in one moment! The other day we found her cell phone that had been misplaced since her untimely death. On it was text messages between her and myself just days before her unexpected death. I smile knowing that I had told her that I loved her but her unresponsiveness troubles my heart. I took so many things for granted and my mother was by far my biggest fan and friend and the one that I was the hardest on. Unconditional love is how you would have to describe what she felt for me because I was not a wonderful daughter. I suppose you only notice these things once those whom you love have passed, but there are times when I still think she is just up the road or a phone call away and nearly have to stop myself from picking up the phone to call her. Sometimes I do pick up the phone and call her cell phone just to hear her beautiful voice. I tend to learn things by experience and the death of my mother is not how I wanted to learn that I would have a terrible void in my heart once she was gone. I am thankful that through this all I have had the best family and my two best friends, my brother Duane and sister Katy are still nearby to share these moments with them. I am most thankful for my father, whom I know each day is a struggle. He has been my mentor and owe much of my success to his support over the years. I fear the loss of any one close to me but know that these moments are out of my hands.